A contented soul :)

Archive for February, 2008

In the depth of your eyes

 

The moment I look into your eyes

I’m dragged into its depth

Without knowing where I am

There’s a language I don’t understand by words

Yet my heart recognize it

It feels soothing

And also confusing

 

Swimming to the depth of your eyes

I’m looking for a reason

I’m searching for an answer

Unexplainable…

 

A soul…

And another soul…

Dancing with its rhythm

Enjoying the moment of connecting each other

The beauty of the connection

Like a great orchestration

Flying up my soul

Dancing to the sky

Guided by your soul

 

The feeling…

So deep

So unusual

Feels like forever

Feels so perfect

Wishing never stop dancing

And be still in the beautiful connection

 

As the moment passing by

As I’m watching you closing your eyes

It feels like love…

An unexplainable feeling to care so much

 

I said a little prayer

May God guides your soul

To the place you should be

May God touch your heart and mind

Giving you wisdom to walk the journey

May God covers His love around your shoulder

Blessing you in every step you make

 

I said another prayer

May God help my soul

To understand this feeling

May God give wisdom

To say the right words

May God guides my soul

To show the real love

 

And as you open your eyes…

Diving back to its depth

I wish to stay there

Enjoying every second surrounded by your soul

It feels like love

Feels so loved…

Focus to the end of the journey

Everyone of us must have dreams to achieve, from a big dream to the simplest one. I try to imagine my life is like a long straight road, with intersections and places to stop along the way. There are good places, and there are also not-good places.

While I’m going through the journey, sometimes I stop along the way, to take some rest, or to fill some needs (in normal journey this could be buying some food or drinks, and so on) - in this journey the things that my soul needs are like knowledge about life, secrets how to conquer the trials, and love.

At a certain point, the road is supposed to be walked with a partner. And along the way while stopping to fill the needs, I will meet a lot of people. Some of them will offer companionship with love along the journey… while some of them will be friends with promises to meet again at the next stop.

When I decide to walk with certain person, the feeling mostly started with excitement, feeling in love… to have someone in the journey… yet there is a worry, what if things not going well along the way.

The road is the right place to test the love… conflicts will appear… start from the simplest thing… when to stop for rest, or when not to stop for rest… which place to stop, or which place not-good to stop… how big the step should be made… sometimes one person can walk with big step while the partner walk with smaller step - they become imbalance… not side by side anymore… and sometimes the distance between the person becoming closer and they walk hand in hand together… but sometimes they each will walk at each side of the road… one at the left side of the road, while the other at the right side of the road… the couple will start to fight, start to hurt each other… and they will start to question how much love they have left… or is it love or just an illusion in the beginning?

Sometimes they split up on the road, taking each other’s way. Sometimes at the place they stop, one of the person see someone else that he/she feels more comfortable to walk with… and they change the partner… is it fair or not? I cannot judge… everyone has their own reason to decide how and with whom they want to walk their road.

The love tested along the way… funny but real… sometimes what they think as love is more like an illusion… and the love cannot help them facing the hardship of the road. Sometimes the love makes the couple to lose their focus to the end of the journey because they are busy struggling and fighting each other to walk with each other’s rule. And sometimes the love makes the couple able to reach the end of the journey greatly, when they are able to unite the visions, the minds and the souls.

When they lose the focus of what they expect by the end of the journey, they stop the walk… and feel heavy to move forward… sometimes becoming irrational and drag down each other back to the previous way instead of moving forward.

When they are able to orchestrate their mind and love and soul… they can walk faster, focusing to their end goal… and enjoying every step they make. And be the winner by the end of the journey.

I’m praying… that God gives me guidance when I stop by in my road and meeting some people, I need to know and recognize the well-matched partner to step forward together in the journey, with whom I will be able to orchestrate my vision, mind, love and soul. I also need the wisdom to differentiate which one of the offer just an illusion that will stop me reaching my dream.

Experiencing God’s Love

Noticing God’s love in every minute of my life is a magnificent experience. I remember a friend telling me that God never promise us that He will deliver us from hardship of life, but He will be there in every season of our lives, providing support, guidance and comforts when we ask.

A few years ago I was totally a miss grumpy, and complain a lot of things. I complained about my job, about my financial (I know I shouldn’t complain because I shop too much), about the people around who gave me troubles, about what I don’t have and others have, etc… and I forgot to give thanks for the other things on the opposite side, such as having a good place to live, having a job that gave me a great amount of compensation and chance to travel to other places, able to eat good food at least 3 times in a day, having a lot of best friends (I do very lucky to have more than 5 best friends for any seasons), get a chance to learn a lot in life, able to say ‘I love you’ to my mom, to my dad, to my grandparents, spending good times with my uncles and aunties, and cousins, and having a ‘best friend quality’ relationship with my sister, good ideas and thoughts that God has planted in my mind, ability to love in a sincere way, understanding and wisdom, and so on… there are a lot of good things that actually happen to me.

One day, one of my best friends, introducing me to The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho), and he said this book is suitable for me. So I went to the book store, and bought The Alchemist. Once I read it… I was stunned… amazed, feel energized, this book waking me up from my dream and made me start to learn to realize my dreams instead of being the greatest complainer everyday. I learnt something called good omen, it’s like a good sign that God’s is with you. In good times or bad times, when you aware, God is actually talking to you. Once I learn to notice that I’m not left alone by God, slowly but sure I complain less (this best friend of mine admit that these days I rarely complain like a few years ago :p). – I believe that this best friend of mine, is a messenger from God, for me to read what has been thought of and written by Paulo Coelho (who is also a messenger to all the people in the world to get awake in their soul and start searching their dreams).

This morning I did a reflection of my life. I feel so peaceful, at ease and content… Even though my life seems up and down, in chaotic sometimes, and feel like a roller-coaster, lately I am able to notice many signs from God, that He is there listening to my prayers, and providing me things that I need to survive in the hardship of life.

As I walk in my life, try to achieve my purpose and my dreams… there are miraculous things like serendipity or coincidence telling me to go through and never give up though things seems impossible… and on the other time, there are also signs when I have to stop doing what I’m doing… because it leads me to something false.

And there are also times when I’m down and helpless… the angels in forms of friends coming up without me asking them (and without them knowing what is happening), they are sending me good words, advices… or just a message that I need to listen… or just a hug or a smile… or even just a silly jokes and it makes my days better… or just taking me up for ice creams (cheap huh? :p)

Also I notice that God is working in every small things I have passed in life, through books, or any quotes I have seen in magazine, in commercial advertisement… or movie… songs, services I attended, seminars, and other unlimited resources and ways that we cannot even think of… — there was one nice thing happened a few weeks ago, I went back from office with a certain thought, I felt a bit troubled… as I enter the lift to go to the unit I’m staying, there is a commercial television inside, and it was showing ‘This week quote: What is the greatest power in the world?’ … I was thinking to find the answer, in 5 second the screen change… and it said… PRAYER :). Coincidence? Maybe it is… but I believe that message sent to me from heaven :).

Today as I remember every little thing I have seen, heard, read and experienced… I feel so glad to know that God loves me so much, blessing me with many good things in life and in a funny way He’s sending me love messages :), and answering my prayers.

Thanks for Fanny – for sending us “I’ll Take Care of You” by Steven Curtis Chapman on last Christmas. The girls (my girls best friend) said that this is a church song, it’s about what God wants to say to us :).

Love for myself :)

It’s February! The month of Love…

I choose to write everything relates to love in this month…

I’m not a pure narcissist, I don’t admire myself, but I love being myself… I love being who I am and with all the things I have and I don’t have in this life… and I feel so content in my current life.  

Have you ever heard people saying that you could never love someone else in the right way (is there any right way? ;p) if you don’t know how to love yourself first?

I have heard it many times. Long time ago, I don’t believe it. I thought that only selfish people will love themselves. Well, it’s true… selfish people do love themselves a lot, and they expect other people love them the way they want. So what is the difference? 

For years I thought loving someone else is more important than loving myself. But I found myself always in a mess everytime I had a relationship (romance or even just a friendship). Because I don’t understand of who I am, and what my soul needs… I thought what other people had, was also the things that I should want to have. In the end I always feel frustrated because the people I had the relationship with never been able to give my soul a satisfaction though they had tried to give what I think I want to have.

Back to the year 2000, one day I questioned myself… Who I am? Who is my soul? What does it need? I thank God for opening my mind back then… I started the soul searching journey… it wasn’t an easy journey :). Along the way I met some good friends, who helped me to learn to accept myself as who I am. Amazingly, at first when I braved enough to see the real me… I hate myself very much. After sometimes I start to realize, what my soul needs might not be the same with what others need. So I start to stop compare myself with other people, and I learn to deal with myself. Slowly I start to feel comfortable with myself, and start to like myself a lot, be friend with myself, and understand what my soul is and what will satisfy it. Learn how to fight with myself :), it’s interesting though tiring at the same time.  

The way I have a relationship with those I love and with my friends also changed… I have a thing that I call as an independent happiness, where no one can take it from me. I was broken heart several times ;p still I know that independent happiness is there, act like a tiny light inside my heart, to keep my soul alive on the worst situation happen. Giving me hopes to move on and find another love :).

I don’t have a perfect life, just like other people my life is always up and down, and still I can claim that I’m happy.

I might not have what other has, but I feel content. I might not be able to be with the one that I love right now, but still it’s not ruining my independent happiness. I might not reach my highest dream yet, though I’m happy walking along the journey. I’m juggling between activities and emotions… still I can claim that I feel at ease :).  

To show me how much I love myself, I also do things that I know will fill me with a lot of good positive energy. Reading good books, treating myself good food, good movie, good music, good drinks… singing to myself a nice lovely song… shopping clothes and shoes that I know will makes me look (and feel) good ;), full spa treatment once in a while… giving myself beautiful flowers… why not? :), traveling to place that I love… hang out with my positive friends, meeting interesting people, … staying at home with good music, do nothing, and enjoying myself…

I really enjoy the relationship I have with myself, and it makes me able to share good things with those I love :). I know that I love the way I love myself, so I believe that I can treat the one that I love even better ;). So… let’s start loving ourselves first :)