Have you ever been in a situation, that you know you should make a decision, and live with it? You know what decision should be made, and what you should do, but still you cannot do it, because you don’t feel like you’re ready to let go certain conditions and things as the consequences of the decision?For the last few weeks, I’ve been struggling with my indecisive manner. It trapped me emotionally for things that I know logically I have to let go, and by heart I feel heavy to let it go. Well, there’s no toll road between the brain to the heart. Though it might only less than 30cm away (from your head to your heart), I feel it as a very long distance.

I’ve been thinking lately, what made me unable to make the decision that logically I already have all the answer in mind. The only answer that I can find is only ‘the uncontrollable emotion’. I let my emotion rule over my head… I let my emotion to control everything I do, and I also find that once I follow what my emotion wants to do, I always feel worst than the moment before. Every action following the emotion will drag me one step lower.

To fight my mind to win over my emotion, feels like an effort to pull an elephant from its own position. The more I drag the elephant with my own strength, the more desperate I will be… since it will not move at all. Only with a smart move, whispering something to the elephant… instead of pulling or pushing it away.

These days, I keep on whispering to my emotion… to move… move forward… walk… walk ahead… don’t look back, instead see up there…. There’s a better thing waiting… instead of something seems like a precious thing, but it’s unreal.

When the emotion trapped with the illusion, it’s only God that can help me out of the dark, since the illusion makes me blind. The illusion and the emotion, they can be a very good friend, a deception to a life, guide me to the darkest and lowest part of the life, where hurts, jealousy, anger, and all the negative feeling stay.

Dear Lord,
I need Your help
To move the mountain in my heart
To swipe the illusion away
To wake the emotion again
To listen to the Words spoken
So that my heart can be healed
No matter how damage it is now…
Please move it away…
Cos I know, this mountain hurts the heart a lot
And it hinders a better tomorrow to come
It’s only a decision away…
Blow it away… from now on till ever after…
Puff… gone… and never come back to my life
Thank you Lord
Amen.