The mind game… is it the same with an illusion? Previously I have written about illusion. Today I had a lunch with my childhood best friend. We were discussing about her marriage plan (in September this year). My question to her was what made her decide to marry this guy after all.

She told me, that previously she has a relationship with other type of guy which is different with this one she’s going to marry. The previous guy was so attractive, and she really liked him, however she knew that he didn’t treat her right… or maybe in the proper way. And for years though she knew it, she kept on trying to survive the relationship with him… and yes consciously she was aware that the guy is a player, cannot be trusted, a coward in a certain way… such as he was a player, but he also want people think of him as a very good guy… so he’s trying to manage his reputation, and at the same time hurting my friend. … well it’s such quite a long story… but by the end my friend has the courage to leave him, and move on with her life.

After that she met another guy, who is very kind, and fights for her. She just realized that there’s another type of guy, which is trustable, concern with her feeling, and she can feel secure and be who she is. So she told me, that consciously she made her decision to marry him because she realize that this guy can be a real life partner in marriage till the ever after.

She told me, that when she was with the previous guy, she knew exactly what she has to do, but she felt trapped with the mind game. Like… she thought of him like the love of her life, someone that can make her Cinderella dream come true… after all she realized that it was only an illusion… it’s just like a game… so we continue discussion about the mind game.

Sometimes we’re so trapped with things or people we see physically… we want to have it… desperately we want to have it, and we become obsessed and idiot at the same time. We allowed ourselves to be trapped, disrespected, humiliated, and insulted in a way. And we both agree that it’s actually only a game in our mind that traps us to the situation. Once we’re in the situation like that, it’s difficult to break the bondage.

The only way to win the situation, and have a happy life, is to have control in our mind… to have control over our illusion… to be able to admit to ourselves that if something or someone is not good for us… then we have to accept it ourselves, break the bondage and move on.

Now she’s telling me, that marriage is not like what she’s thinking about… it’s not like her Cinderella dream, but she is excited about the marriage, though at the same time she feels that she has done a right decision, and she’s not under an influence of an illusion when she made it.

The mind game is a very dangerous thing. We often made a mistake or even become indecisive about a situation, because of the mind game… the illusion over our brain and feeling. The illusion sometimes took us to waste our times for nothing, and we end up regretting on how long we have waste it. But regret will not turn back the time.
It opens up my mind, that the mind game… or the illusion is the thing that I have to fight all the time. Learn to control the mind, and make a decision after a thought instead of a desire.

Maybe this is what the bible said, about the fight between the flesh of desire and the spirit. This is the fight we have to deal every day in every aspect of our lives.

I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. - Galatians 5: 16 - 18.

Posted: July 15th, 2008 under Sharing.
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The process of letting go is not an easy thing to do… and I never find it simple. There’s always a struggle inside, where the heart and the mind will stay in each opposite side. The last couple months, I deal with ‘letting go’… the last one when I have to let go my grandfather. At the age of 86, he passed away peacefully after a week of physical struggle in a hospital. I grew up with him and my grandmother, so it’s quite a big loss for me. The day when he passed away, I remember the last time I saw him standing, walking, eating and smiling, as well as the struggles and the complains he made when he was hospitalized the whole week.

As far as I can remember, there was one afternoon… in the front living room, late afternoon, I was about 3-4 years old, sitting on his lap, and he was singing for me… “gelang si patu gelang, gelang si rama-rama, mari pulang, marilah pulang, marilah pulang, bersama-sama”, it felt just like yesterday. Another memory came to my mind, when he took me walking in the morning with him (still at the age around 3-4 years), following the Sukajadi road (in my hometown). On those days, there were big trees on the road, less cars, and the air was fresh. From home to Setiabudi, we walked, and he let me pick up the purple and red little fruits from the tree.

Logically, my mind understands… that this is a natural thing that will happen to a human. It’s about time for him to go to heaven, though my heart still cannot accept it. But I know… I have to let him go… and pray that God will always be with him.

Sometimes we should let go people who has been in our lives, not only because of the person passed away, but because we know the person should go… for a reason that we might not understand, and only God knows the reason why. Losing a person that we love is always painful. Though I learn, trusting and obeying the God is the best way when we learn to let go.

At other times, we are the one who should go from other people’s life… either the time from God is up to live in the world, or we know that we should move on from one situation to another new one, and leaving the person that we love the most. Sometimes I just wonder, which one is better… being left by the person we love, or we have to leave the person we love… and I guess both are unpleasant, but for the good sake of each other’s life… letting go is a thing to do. Letting go is a process in life that every human has to go through at every stage of their life.

Letting go the person we love, always draw a deep scar inside a heart. And I know the scar will never go, it will always be there as marks that love for someone was there while someone is alive.

Goodbye…

Posted: May 9th, 2008 under Sharing.
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This is a comment given by my best friend :)

My take … we always go out to water our gardens …

Then you can eat the fruit…. DAILY

Andrian

Posted: April 18th, 2008 under Sharing.
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I woke up at 5am this morning with a thought about a tree.
A tree??? Yes… A tree.
Weird? Yes, I felt weird this morning.The question was on my mind, how to turn a seed into a beautiful, strong and fruitful tree?

Half asleep… I thought slowly, for example an apple tree… I should plant the seed in the right soil, nurture it - make sure it gets enough water, sunshine and the right care… And it needs a process and time to grow… Eventually it will grow bigger, with strong roots, shady, and fruitful. It will survive in any season and weather, even the stormy one, it can cover the human to rest under the tree - from the heat or rain, and it gives fruits for eat.

And if I don’t put it on the right soil, it might not grow, or grow in suffer, not strong enough to stand the stormy weather.

If I don’t give it enough water, and take care of it in the right way (treating it as an apple tree, instead of cactus), the it might not grow, or grow in suffer, not strong enough to stand the stormy weather.

What about if I take care of it, nurture it in the beginning, and neglect/ignore it after I see it growing? It might be dying and die eventually, and will not be able to survive for the next season.

As simple as that… That’s the lesson that I learn from a nature. That thought brought me to think about my life and whether I have nurture the seeds (love, dreams, work, etc.) In my life.

Same with our lives, if we don’t nurture it with the right way, we will never reach our dreams and get what we wants.

When I want to reach my dream, I should take care of it with the right way (might be different way for each dreams), nurture it… With patience, walk in time and let the dream become bigger and true in my life, or else it will die and will only be a dream, and never come true.

When I put a seed of love, I should take care of it, nurture it - with the right way (maybe through a communication, understanding, listening, respect, cares, trust, etc.) - effort to grow it, and as the time goes by, it will prove and show a true love… Or else it will die, and forgotten by the end.

Posted: April 18th, 2008 under Sharing.
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Do you know how it feels to be free? :)

It feels like you can breath the air as much as you want, and smile as wide as you can… dancing around like the bird flying to the sky… being in the highest state of mind… perhaps it feels a little bit like being drunk hehehe… but no headache and throwing up at the end.

It’s been a while since I feel so free :). Being free makes me feel so positive, and sleep well at night, wake up early and fresh in the morning, excited to do my works, and happy to meet my friends around… feel so grateful for a new day that has come.

I feel free after I’m able to break the confusion in my mind. Life is about taking a risk, and when we’re in the position of being indecisive, it feels like a trap. For a few years, I was indecisive of certain things. And now, just recently… I finally made up my mind for important things in my life. I’m taking a risk… and now I’m glad I have made my choices, though I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, but I feel free, less burden, and contented inside.

Learn to walk in faith, and believe that the God that I trust is taking me to the right place in His plan. Once I try to put on all my worries to Him, I feel so free… light step… though tomorrow is unknown. Recently I have been learning about making ‘the right decision’, obedience, and faith. It was a struggle… and once I pass it… I feel like flying to the sky, just like a student has passed her examination, and ready to go the next stage :).

When I have to learn to obey on God, and to put faith in Him, it felt so difficult to trust on something I cannot see and I cannot hear. Just once I cross the bridge of faith, everything feels so different. I don’t feel imprisoned by the feeling, my own understanding and thoughts. I feel so free :).

I’m ready to move on, and open myself for new things and new chances… ready to continue my journey alone… and I know… in the next few step in my life, I’ll meet my other half soulmate… :). So now… I want to enjoy every minute that I have with myself, I’m enjoying the solitude moment, having a private time to chat with the God that I believe, having my books with me, traveling to the places that I want to go, being with my lovely friends and family, doing my job, and writing as much as I can :).

Next thing to try… the sky diving, or something similar… I want to fly like a bird :)

I feel so free… :)

Posted: April 4th, 2008 under Sharing.
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