I received an email about this topic about a week or so ago, from the lady that I admire and respect :) - Swati Lee (we met at the counseling class last year, and have interesting discussions sometimes, and she’s one of the person who believes in me for the things I want to do).

Having the heart to help others in trouble – any kind of problems – we learn from the classes we attend and the books we read, that in a way the past must have an influence to the present time and the future time. But how should we relate the past to the present time and how should we position it to the present time? Should we always dig out someone’s past before we can help their present problems and help them to move to the future? Or is it still possible that when we deal with the present problem… we deal it that way, without have to dig out the past experience?

Regardless of the psychology theories provided by many great people – for example like Freud, it’s a bit difficult for me to give an opinion from their point of view, simply that I don’t have enough information about the approaches suggested by them, since my background is not psychology – I don’t have enough knowledge to explain whose point of view is more proper than the other. However I assume myself as the practitioner in life (everyone is a practitioner in fact)… it means as a human live in this world… I learn about people and problems and how to help others from experiences we face every day. Using the knowledge that I learn from live itself – experiences :).

The past really influence the present and the future. We are as who we are now is because of what we have experienced in the past. The past itself doesn’t stand alone to influence our present and future, there are a few other things, such as our beliefs, knowledge, mind set, etc. – which off course also influenced by our past in a way. We should consider the past as a stepping stone, not as reason to blame on what happen in our present time.

Therefore in any counseling session, or for the common people like me – I prefer to consider it as a sharing moments – to ‘listen’ about the matter of the current problem is very important, listening is not only hearing the words they say, but at the same time try to understand the feeling they have. Many times it helps me to understand the person very well, somehow it leads me to understand they way the person think or feel, and from that point then using the instinct (yes… female use this built in function within us :p) to decide whether I should ask about the past, or should I focus on the problem. And our experiences in live also helps us when we have sharing moments with other people. So, practically in any sharing moments I don’t use any specific method that I have read or learnt. It’s more to the willingness of my heart to listen to my friend. And sometimes I found out, that some people don’t really need any solution from us, they just need a friend to talk, someone who would lend the ears to hear what they feel and think.

About the traumatic experience in the past, I believe it has to be treated well, but I do really believe that certain therapy approach is not an assurance that someone can let go the past easily. I quote this from the book by Larry Crabb – Understanding People, chapter 4 – “In the minds of many, there is a difference between counseling and psychotherapy. Counseling, some would say, deals exclusively with here-and-now concerns, attempting to help people cope with their lives more effectively by offering warm support and wise advice. Interpersonal skills like empathy, genuineness, and the ability to clarify, coupled with sensitivity and common sense, are the necessary tools. Psychotherapy is very different, many say. It probes beneath present concerns (such as indecision regarding vocational choice) to expose an unconscious network of defenses, anxiety, and unacceptable or painful feelings which together generate the visible problem. Therapy deals with deeper issues than counseling because it looks beneath current complaints to the internal dynamics that really constitute the disorder needing correction. It is said that the therapy deals with internal dynamics, and counseling does not. And Freud is rightly credited with introducing the whole idea of psychodynamics to the modern mind. The term refers to the psychological forces within the personality (usually unconscious) that have the power to cause behavioral and emotional disturbance… “

In the case of the past that brings the traumatic experience, I believe the therapy might have to be done depends on the level of the trauma, but there’s one thing that I have been thinking about for the last few months… there’s something more than just therapy and counseling session or sharing between friends. That’s why I read this book :), there’s a missing point from all the things we do to help others. And lately I find it… that it’s actually the ability to relate. To relate doesn’t mean just we know and try to pay attention, but genuinely relate from one soul to another soul (I learn this from other Larry’s book – Soultalk). And to relate we need to pay effort not to analyze others by our mind understanding (which sometimes lead us to judgement), but more to the act of love. The love that Jesus taught us :), the love that He gives to us. So that I believe that therapy and counseling still incomplete to help others, but the additional essence of the right love from the right heart will help the person that we help to let go the past and change the mindset for the future sake. Agape. That’s the type of love that we need to have to help others. And I do believe this type of love can be learnt and read through the bible. And we have to experience this type of love first before we can share it with the people around us. Some people arguing whether bible can be considered as the source for biblical counseling or not, and here I just want to say that I believe bible is one of the source we need to read and learn in helping others :), and it’s not limited to the counseling session only.

So, yes the past really influence the present and the future time. However it’s unnecessary to always dig out the past of everyone in each of the session. It depends on the occasion. Normally if I find certain pattern in belief or way of thinking, then I will try to ask a little bit about the past – combine it with the discernment from God to lead what to say or ask :). Therapy, counseling, the proper love with the right heart and the discernment from God - I believe would be a great combination to help many people.

And the future… the past is not really influencing the future compare to the present time, the past has the link to the future because of the present time. And in this present time, we can see and learn what was wrong in the past, and I believe that the present time has more influence for the future. The way we decide how we want to do our present time is designing our future. I can talk nonstop about this, but I better stop first now, I will try to think more… maybe there are a lot of missing point also in my belief about this :).