It’s February! The month of Love…

I choose to write everything relates to love in this month…

I’m not a pure narcissist, I don’t admire myself, but I love being myself… I love being who I am and with all the things I have and I don’t have in this life… and I feel so content in my current life.  

Have you ever heard people saying that you could never love someone else in the right way (is there any right way? ;p) if you don’t know how to love yourself first?

I have heard it many times. Long time ago, I don’t believe it. I thought that only selfish people will love themselves. Well, it’s true… selfish people do love themselves a lot, and they expect other people love them the way they want. So what is the difference? 

For years I thought loving someone else is more important than loving myself. But I found myself always in a mess everytime I had a relationship (romance or even just a friendship). Because I don’t understand of who I am, and what my soul needs… I thought what other people had, was also the things that I should want to have. In the end I always feel frustrated because the people I had the relationship with never been able to give my soul a satisfaction though they had tried to give what I think I want to have.

Back to the year 2000, one day I questioned myself… Who I am? Who is my soul? What does it need? I thank God for opening my mind back then… I started the soul searching journey… it wasn’t an easy journey :). Along the way I met some good friends, who helped me to learn to accept myself as who I am. Amazingly, at first when I braved enough to see the real me… I hate myself very much. After sometimes I start to realize, what my soul needs might not be the same with what others need. So I start to stop compare myself with other people, and I learn to deal with myself. Slowly I start to feel comfortable with myself, and start to like myself a lot, be friend with myself, and understand what my soul is and what will satisfy it. Learn how to fight with myself :), it’s interesting though tiring at the same time.  

The way I have a relationship with those I love and with my friends also changed… I have a thing that I call as an independent happiness, where no one can take it from me. I was broken heart several times ;p still I know that independent happiness is there, act like a tiny light inside my heart, to keep my soul alive on the worst situation happen. Giving me hopes to move on and find another love :).

I don’t have a perfect life, just like other people my life is always up and down, and still I can claim that I’m happy.

I might not have what other has, but I feel content. I might not be able to be with the one that I love right now, but still it’s not ruining my independent happiness. I might not reach my highest dream yet, though I’m happy walking along the journey. I’m juggling between activities and emotions… still I can claim that I feel at ease :).  

To show me how much I love myself, I also do things that I know will fill me with a lot of good positive energy. Reading good books, treating myself good food, good movie, good music, good drinks… singing to myself a nice lovely song… shopping clothes and shoes that I know will makes me look (and feel) good ;), full spa treatment once in a while… giving myself beautiful flowers… why not? :), traveling to place that I love… hang out with my positive friends, meeting interesting people, … staying at home with good music, do nothing, and enjoying myself…

I really enjoy the relationship I have with myself, and it makes me able to share good things with those I love :). I know that I love the way I love myself, so I believe that I can treat the one that I love even better ;). So… let’s start loving ourselves first :)